


Surviving

by fuzipenguin



Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Forced Orgasm, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Other, Sensory Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts, implied/referenced maiming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-15 01:09:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5766214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzipenguin/pseuds/fuzipenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is the worst thing one could do to a set of twins?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Oubliette](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4520106) by [dracoqueen22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracoqueen22/pseuds/dracoqueen22). 



> While I adored every bit of Oubliette, I was fascinated with the brief mention of Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's plight. So I wrote this halfway through dracoqueen22's publication of the fic, a little something to tide me over. Then I sent it to her and pestered her mercilessly to give me her headcanons about what had *actually* happened to the twins. In proper 'two cakes' fashion, her headcanon differed quite a bit from mine, so I'm thinking about expanding this and taking it further, because how can one love characters without treating them brutally?

                Sunstreaker has always thought he knew pain. Understood exhaustion.

                He was wrong.

                Shockwave’s experiments have left Sunstreaker weary beyond anything he’s ever experienced. It’s not just the chains and cuffs that sap his energy, although that’s certainly part of it. No, it feels as if his entire lifeforce is draining out through his spark. As if all his energon lines have been rerouted to his chest and his life sustaining fluids are being siphoned away by the now chaotic ball of energy that used to be his spark.

                And it hurts. Oh, it hurts beyond anything he’s ever felt before. He knows the pain of ripped off limbs, the agony of a shredded neural cluster. This is all that and more, amplified to something that alternatively makes him want to lie absolutely still or tear into his thoracic cavity and snuff out his own spark.

                He could probably do it. He probably has just enough strength left for it. His protective plating is gone, long since ripped away. All that’s left is the paltry protection of his transparent spark casing and the plexiglass-like cover Shockwave had applied in place of his armor.

                His spark is on display and vulnerable, and he could crush it between his palms without much difficulty. He could do it, Sunstreaker knows he could. And the pain, the exhaustion… it would all end.

                But so would Sideswipe.

                In the midst of everything, he’s lost the feel of his twin. Shockwave did something early on which muted their bond and progressively dulled it until Sunstreaker can no longer sense his brother. There’s a portion of him that wonders if Sideswipe is even alive anymore.

                Both of their sparks are smaller than average because of the split, but Sideswipe’s is nearly a third the size of Sunstreaker’s. He’d always had a hard time believing that a mech with as much personality as his brother could have a spark which shouldn’t have been to support life out of sparklinghood. But more than one medic has said it, even Ratchet. And when they had ignored the other doctors, they trusted Ratchet explicitly.

                Ratchet had hypothesized that Sideswipe instinctively drew heavily on Sunstreaker’s spark through their bond, using it to supplement his own barely existent lifeforce. And in a way, it made sense. They had only ever been really separated once before, right before the war. They had both suffered, but Sideswipe had been barely functional when they finally found each other again. 

                So the idea was plausible.

                And if _that_ theory was correct, then Ratchet’s follow up hypothesis that Sideswipe would quickly extinguish if Sunstreaker died was likely as well. And it is the only thing preventing Sunstreaker from clawing through the glass covering his spark.

                That, and the affinity Sunstreaker has for one particular area of his prison. If not tied down, he will gravitate towards the south wall, pressing his back against it. Either standing, or after a particularly hard ‘session’ under Shockwave’s hands, propped against it while inelegantly sprawled on his aft.

                It makes Sunstreaker feel marginally better to be touching that particular wall. It is such a little thing, a miniscule curl of something _right_ that brings Sunstreaker out of the agony-induced madness which swamps his processor nowadays and gives him the dangerous hope that Sideswipe is still alive. Alive and on the other side of that steel and concrete barrier, pressing back against his side of it.

                And so Sunstreaker stays his hand and endures the pain, endures the weariness which weighs down his limbs. Because if there is one thing that the two of them are good at it, it's surviving.

                This is just one more thing to survive.

 

 ~ End

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sideswipe tells his story

                Sideswipe is a hedonist through and through. If something gives him pleasure, he’s not going to say no to it. In war, pleasures are few and far between so he’s learned to treasure the small things: a long trip to the washracks, piles of pillows and blankets on the berth, and as many overloads as he can fit into his and Sunstreaker’s off duty hours.

                But now, the thought of overloads fill Sideswipe with dread and disgust.

                Optics, audials, and every other external sensor offlined, all he’s left with is the relentless hum of the vibrator deep within his valve and the sucking sleeve on his spike. One of them is always in motion, every minute of every day, wracking his frame with bliss as the contraptions relentlessly work his interface array. Energy already sapped by the multitude of stasis cuffs and chains draping his frame, his levels are further drained by the steady drip of lubricant and spurts of transfluid.

                To add insult to injury, Shockwave has somehow wired his spark chamber to receive a constant barrage of electrical input. Sometimes just a trickle, sometimes a raging pulse, but always enough to send sweet fire through his spark.

                It’s never enough to ease the ache deep within it, though.

                Shockwave did something to their bond, thinned it out, and seemingly broke it completely so that Sideswipe no longer feels his brother. The hole where Sunstreaker should be throbs angrily, even in the midst of his short, restless recharges.

                Despite not being able to feel him, Sideswipe still experiences the dim flicker of hope. The fact that Sideswipe is alive is proof that Sunstreaker is also. Sideswipe’s spark is dependent upon his brother’s; he can’t live without its constant support. The thought of Sunstreaker alive somewhere helps keeps him going despite every disgraceful twist and arch of his frame, every whimper and moan.

                Yet even with that hope, sometimes he thinks about ramming himself against the corner of his sleeping cot. It’s made of metal and strong enough to punch through the thin glass covering his chest cavity. If he worked up enough speed, he’s pretty certain the metal edge could puncture his spark, ending it all.

                It’s a shameful line of code, but he can’t help considering it.

                He’s exhausted. Nearly mad with separation from his twin. His body manipulated like a puppet over and over again. He supposes he’s grateful he isn’t actively being tortured, but in some ways he would prefer pain. He’s at war with his own frame and he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel comfortable in it again. How could he when it’s not even his anymore?

                He wonders what would happen if he died. They know Sideswipe would follow Sunstreaker but what would happen if it were the other way around? Would Sunstreaker offline too? Would it be quick or would he linger? What it be a relief for Sunstreaker? Would they finally be reunited in the Well?

                He wishes he could weep, because he wants to at the notion of reunion.

                Sideswipe’s pretty sure Sunny would smack him upside the head for thoughts like these. Sunstreaker’s always been stronger; he’s probably coasting through his ‘treatments’ and egging Shockwave on for more.

                They’ve always competed against one another, sometimes in jest, sometimes with furious intent. This is just another competition; if Sunstreaker can continue on, so can Sideswipe.

                When the despair threatens to overwhelm him, he tries to remember that.

                That and the warmth along the north wall of his cell. It’s just one stretch of the wall, and it’s not always constant, but he feels most comfortable there. It’s not like he can recline on the cot very well, not with his hands bound behind his back. So he curls up next to that spot and presses his face into the concrete. When the overloads come, he bites his lip so hard energon pours down his face because he’s absolutely convinced Sunstreaker is on the other side and he can’t bear the thought of his twin hearing Sideswipe moan in pleasure.

                One day this will all end, either through rescue or Sideswipe caving to his own cowardice, but until then, he will endure as best he can. He is alive and so is Sunstreaker; their sordid past has taught him that even a miniscule chance can sometimes be enough to raise you up out of Hell.

 

~ End

               

               


End file.
